it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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