I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like eating out sand paper
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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