dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
