This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
