How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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