My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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