coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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