he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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