Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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