New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
