my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
