You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
