Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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