I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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