Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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