so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
