my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
