She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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