he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You took a bar mat shot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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