she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
