Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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