it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
