I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
