It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
