I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
