Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
