who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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