I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
