I'm going to jail i love you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
