She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
