I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
