Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
