forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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