i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
