Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
