dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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