There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
