I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
