hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
