some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
