wanna go halves on a baby?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
