pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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