Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
