It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
