Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
