He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
