i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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