you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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