I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
as a side note pls kill me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
