Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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