Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
