I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
