So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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