in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
