in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
