You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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