i just had sex bonerless
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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