Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
